Vanilla Twilight
by A-Far-Off-Memory
Summary: "the silence isn't so bad till I look at my hands and feel sad, 'cause the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly" (oneshot, zemyx/dexion, set after the events of CoM)


_a/n: Here, take a short but sweet (and wow kinda sad) Zemyx/Dexion oneshot!_

_~A-Far-Off-Memory_

* * *

It all seemed like some sort of sick dream.

Except that Nobodies didn't dream, not even nightmares. But that's what Demyx felt like he was trapped in—a nightmare, one that he desperately wished he could wake up from.

* * *

_"I wish I could go with you," the blond murmured, taking hold of a small hand and stroking a pale cheek. "I'll miss you."_

_A single indigo eye twinkled up at him as Zexion offered a rare soft smile. "You'll be alright, Demyx. Besides, I shouldn't be gone that long. We'll be together again before you have a chance to miss me."_

_Demyx shook his head. "Not true. I miss you already."_

_Zexion flicked his long bangs back, rolling his eyes. "That's illogical, I'm standing right in front of you. You're just being dramatic. I don't even leave until morning."_

_Demyx shrugged, cupping the shorter man's cheek. "Oh well," he murmured, leaning down to connect their lips. Zexion relaxed into the kiss, moving to rest his hands over the blond's chest. "Just don't get _too_ close with any of the others...because you're all mine and I don't like sharing," he added, nipping at a plump lower lip and causing the slate-haired man to let out a surprised moan._

_"How about reminding me why I shouldn't want anyone else?" Zexion questioned, tone husky._

* * *

It seemed like it had only been yesterday that he'd had Zexion in his arms, and now...

Now he'd never have the chance to hold him again.

Nobodies weren't supposed to have hearts. So why was his chest aching so badly? Why did he feel so...heartbroken?

Why did he feel at all?

Nobodies weren't supposed to have the ability to love. But Demyx had loved Zexion, more than he'd ever thought possible. He'd loved the moodiness, the rare smiles, the way that their hands seemed to fit just perfectly together...now, as he looked down at his hands, he felt an emptiness so profound that he was forced to sit down lest he fall over.

And to think that it was all his best friend's fault.

Axel had come completely clean to him upon returning to the castle alone. And while it hadn't been Axel himself that had killed Zexion, he'd goaded the replica into doing it. So it was his fault no matter how you looked at it.

He couldn't believe that Axel, of all people, had done that to him.

So now he sat, feeling alone and depressed, missing Zexion like crazy.

People had often questioned how someone as upbeat as Demyx could stand being around someone as moody as Zexion, and vice versa. But it was because they were so completely different that they'd clicked—Zexion had toned Demyx down, while Demyx had brought out Zexion's soft side. It was something that had been totally unexpected, but something that had worked.

"God, Zexy..." he whispered, clutching at his chest as his eyes pricked with tears that wouldn't fall. He wished Zexion had never left—that way he'd be safe, and Demyx wouldn't feel the way he was feeling. It was like a piece of him had been ripped away with the news of the shorter man's death, and now he felt more hollow than ever.

Zexion had taught him to appreciate silence and what it could offer. But now...now it just felt opressive, like a weight that was pressing on him. He supposed he could have played his sitar, but he didn't feel like doing much of anything. He just wanted to lay in bed.

As he laid his head against his pillow, he felt that prickling sensation in his eyes again.

It smelled like Zexion.

Zexion had smelled so wonderful, like a mixture of old books and aloe. It was wholly intoxicating, and Demyx had never been able to get enough of it.

He was broken from his musings by a knock on his door. He didn't bother acknowledging it, choosing instead to turn toward the wall and wrap his arms around his pillow.

But then a voice was heard from behind the door, one he hadn't been expecting. "D...Demyx?" Roxas called, sounding hesitant. "Can...can I come in?"

Releasing a sigh, Demyx cleared his throat before answering, "Yeah, kid, come on in."

He rolled back over just as his door opened, revealing Roxas who held an armful of things. Things that Demyx recognized immediately as some of Zexion's things.

Demyx sprang up, running over and holding his arms out. "How...?" he questioned, voice choked as Roxas delicately placed his burden in the taller blond's arms.

"Axel asked me to bring them to you," the teen replied, scratching the back of his neck. "He...he snuck in and got them before Saïx took everything away." His blue eyes lowered. "I'm really sorry about Zexion, Demyx. I didn't really know him well, but...I know you cared a lot about him."

Demyx gently set the items on the bed before grabbing Roxas and hugging him tight. "Thank you, Roxas..." he said softly, swallowing the lump in his throat. Roxas was small, as small as Zexion had been...

Almost hesitantly, Roxas hugged him back, gently rubbing his back. "You're welcome." He extracted himself from the embrace after a moment, biting his lip. "If you ever need a friend...well, I know where we can get good ice cream..." he offered, looking shy.

At the offer, the smallest of smiles turned up Demyx's lips. "I'd like that, kid." Seeing Roxas turn to leave, he grabbed him by the arm. "Oh, and next time you see Axel...tell him this doesn't change anything," he almost whispered, looking down.

"Oh...okay," the teen replied, nodding. "See you later, Demyx."

"See ya, Roxas," he murmured. The shorter blond left, and Demyx closed the door behind him before returning to his bed to look at Zexion's things. Among the pile was a beat-up old copy of Zexion's favorite book, along with some shirts of his that he'd worn beneath his cloak.

But one thing was unfamiliar. It was a small black book, one that lacked any writing of any sort on the cover. Puzzled, he flipped it open, finding a small note on the inside cover.

_Demyx,_

_I thought it might be interesting to write this for you while we are apart. It...makes me feel close to you, I suppose, because you are the object of my thoughts as I write it. I suppose it's my way of missing you less. I may never even give it to you, because it's embarrassing really...but who knows?_

_Read on if you wish, love._  
_-Zexion_

Biting his lip, Demyx turned the page and found the first entry.

_Dearest Demyx,_

_Castle Oblivion is quite the spectacular edifice. It's so strange, how malleable the entire structure is! I'd love to study it, to find out why it is the way it is..._

_I am unsure how much I am allowed to tell you, so I'll be brief—we're going to lure the keyblade wielder here and turn him into our weapon. He is our means of completing Kingdom Hearts, along with Roxas and Xion. It is they who will make us whole again, and then...then we can truly love each other the way we want to. Can you believe it? We actually have a chance, Demyx..._

_I can't wait to come home to you._

Slowly, Demyx read through all of the entries. Some were long, some were only a few words. He wrote about the things he did in the labs with Vexen and Lexaeus, and about how annoying Larxene and Marluxia were. Some of the things he wrote made Demyx smile, while others served to only make him sad.

The final one especially.

_Demyx,_

_I'm beginning to fear for my safety. Lexaeus is gone, Vexen is gone...even Larxene and Marluxia. Axel...he is an enigma. I can't predict what he's thinking, and that frightens me, Demyx. I know he's your friend, but he is more loyal to Xemnas than he wants to admit. And...I fear he may know that I'm not content under Superior's thumb. The replica is no longer under my control, and with the keyblade wielder plus the real Riku running around...I'm afraid I may not make it back to you._

_If that is the case, then there are some things that I want you to know._

_You are everything to me, Demyx. I know I don't express my emotions enough, but I need you to know how much I want to truly love you. I know that what I feel now is only a ghost of what I could feel if I was whole, and I love you so much, Demyx. If I had a heart, I feel like it would simply burst from how much I truly care for you. Before you...I cared only about books and science. But you opened my eyes and made me see that some things are more important than knowledge. And if I make it out of this place, I'll be sure to tell you everything I've written here...because you need to know how important you are to me. You are my source of hope, my best friend, and the person I will always want to come home to. You taught me to see the beauty in things, and to appreciate the little things. You taught me to loosen up and not be so serious every once in a while. And I just wanted to thank you for that._

_I hope I'm just being paranoid...I'd really love to see you again, to have a chance to be whole with you. But if not...I'm glad you were in my life, Demyx. You made this half life bearable._

_With love,_  
_Zexion_

Slowly, he closed the book. His eyes were blurring, and his chest was heaving with sobs as he set it aside, reaching for Zexion's blanket and hugging it to him.

As he laid down, he realized it.

He was crying.

Nobodies didn't cry. They couldn't—they lacked a heart and true emotions.

So why was he crying?

Maybe...maybe Xemnas was wrong. Maybe they did have hearts...that would explain why he loved and missed Zexion so much. It made the most sense...but he had no way of proving it. He had a feeling that he'd be shot down by anyone he told, and he didn't want to be ridiculed. So he'd just hold on to the belief that maybe, just maybe, he wasn't as empty as he'd thought.

He knew it to be true when he realized for the first time that when he thought of Zexion, his chest didn't feel so hollow. It felt full and warm, even though he knew he'd lost him. Because even though he was gone, he was still with him in a way...

He was with him in his _heart_.

* * *

_a/n: Wow I seem to love torturing myself over these two_

_Super corny, but idgaf. Also pretty short compared to most of my other oneshots...oh well._

_Demyx believed until the end that Nobodies had hearts. I wrote this in an attempt to explain that xD_

_Hope you enjoyed!_

_~AFOM_


End file.
